here's to you, my sweet girl...

Today is my sweet Soleil's 9th birthday.

I can hardly believe that I've been mothering that long.

The day she was born certainly changed my everything...forever.

As a tribute to her, and as a memory aide, I thought I'd list some things about my daughter:

1.  For her birthday dinner she chose pizza and french fries.

2.  She adores rootbeer but is only permitted to have it on special occasions.

3.  She describes herself as a "sporty girl".

4.  She has proven time and time again that she can be successful at anything she commits herself to.

5.  Taylor Swift is her favorite musician.

6.  Her favorite color is "electric blue".

7.  She gets the hiccups when she laughs too hard.

8.  Her dream vacation would be a trip to California.

9.  She makes friends nearly instantly.

10.  Science is her favorite subject at school.

11.  Her big blue eyes have had the power to melt her father and me since the day she was born.

12.  She has the kindest, most sensitive heart.

I love you, Soleil!

Happy Birthday from your proud Mama!

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

*A hot lightbulb + cold water = shattered, dangerous mess.

*A $15 unfinished wooden nutcracker that HAD to be purchased but was discarded when painting it got frustrating.

*Two American Girl dolls, taken outside for a sledding adventure,  forgotten on the slopes and left in the snow for days.

These unfortunate events occurred at our house recently.  

Each were followed by a hysterical daughter...coming to me in tears.

And while I really REALLY could have gotten angry;

each of these exhausting messes were caused by my daughter's impulsive behavior,

I found myself filled with gratitude.

Gratitude that even after all we've been through together, in her time of desperation and regret, my daughter still came to me and trusted me with her mistakes.

I know that our future together will entail many adventures...some good and some not so good.  And I am positive that I will not always be able to fix the messes that my daughter gets herself into.  But I hope and pray that she will always feel safe coming to me...

even hysterically and in tears.

I love you, Soleil, even when you make messy, regrettable mistakes.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

I recently took a photo of my daughter.  She was working hard at something and had this seriousness about her. As she concentrated, her little tongue stuck out of her mouth a little.  

I've seen this serious face of hers a million times, she's been making it since she was a very little girl.  There's something comforting about seeing it again.  Kind of a reminder that as much as things change, they really stay the same.

Sweet girl, I love you so darn much.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Soleil doesn't turn her schoolwork in on time.  I know this.  I've asked her in every way I can imagine, "why do you think this is a struggle for you and how do you think we could work together to find a way to change this?".  But of course I already know the answer, at least to the first part of the question...she has very little to no short term/working memory and is highly distractable which makes completing things very challenging.  

Completing schoolwork that she finds "not interesting, boring, or confusing"? Well, that's nearly impossible.

Tonight I am meeting with her third grade teacher for her first of two conferences this year.  Soleil has already prepared me that there are four books of schoolwork that the teacher will be showing to parents and her work is only in one.  When I asked her why her work isn't in all of the books, she told me that she ran out of time.

In her four years of public school, I have learned that there is a pattern to these conferences...during the first one (in the fall) her teacher, with a positive upbeat tone, will bring up things that are a "challenge" for Soleil and a few things that Soleil needs to work on.  The teacher will try very hard to balance all of the "challenges" with positives.  The teacher will stress that Soleil is a very bright girl that is well liked by her peers but she talks too often to them at inappropriate times.  The teacher will also describe times and situations when Soleil doesn't participate in activities or does something inappropriate in order to avoid work that she isn't interested in doing. The teacher will report that the lunchroom workers are concerned because Soleil doesn't eat at lunch.  The teacher will ask if there is a way we could all work together to help Soleil manage her personal belongings.  She will then probably show me Soleil's desk which won't close properly because it is a stuffed, disorganized mess.

These are all things that I know.  Things that I expect.  Things that I see every single day at home.  These are the challenges that my daughter (and honestly, my husband) will struggle with forever.  

I spend most of the day before conferences preparing myself for the discussions to come.  Thinking about how I'm going answer questions and how I'll react to issues brought up...because I haven't always done the best job, and I've made plenty of mistakes.  More than once I have made excuses or even apologized to the teacher during conferences.  Once I even lowered myself to rolling my eyes and comisserating about how difficult my daughter can be.  Those are conversations that I wish I could redo.  I became reactionary when I wish I would have been secure and steadfast.  When you have a child that has extra needs...or isn't like everyone else...or has raging ADHD...whatever you want to call it that day...when you have a child like that, it's easy to complain.  It's easy to get swept up in the moment and become catty about all of the headaches.  It's easy to throw your child under the bus.

But that's not the mom that I want to be.  And as my dear friend has always told me, "doing with right thing doesn't always mean doing the easiest thing".  So I'm going to arm myself with all of my daughter's strengths, all of her accomplishments and positive gains, and be the advocate that she needs me to be.  I'm determined to find a way to be empathetic to the teacher while maintaining my stance firmly in my daughter's corner.  Because what really matters most in the big picture?...in this whole life of ours?...one of the things that I have decided  matters to me is that my children know, without a doubt, that I have their backs...that I will always fight for them, even when it would be easier not to. 

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

*I'm totally off my blog schedule...Thankful for Soleil posts are suppose to be posted on Thursday, but here I am doing it on Sunday.* 

This week has been filled with all things Halloween.  

Yesterday, before jetting off to a Halloween event at our church, I staged an impromptu photo session with the kids in their costumes.  They happily acted out Star Wars battles and recreated movie cover shots as I snapped away.  

I've been working on getting all of our Star Wars costumes together for weeks now...in one of those mindless frenzies that moms can get themselves into when a deadline looms.  Then last night, after the church activity, Corey and I huddled around the computer and looked through the photos from my earlier in the day photo session with the kids.  While looking through the photos, Corey mentioned how impressed he was with Soleil's participation in this Star Wars theme.  I immediately snapped back,  "she loves Star Wars".  It's true, she does really like Star Wars but after thinking about it longer I really think Corey was right, Soleil has put her own preferences aside to embrace something for her brother.  And she's done it without complaining.

Today I am thankful that Soleil's love for her brother is strong enough pierce through the veil of ADHD self focus and that she's been able to maintain an enthusiasm for something that was not her choice.  

This is huge.  Thank you, Corey, for helping me stop and notice it.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Soleil is creative.  Crazy creative.
She's got one of those minds that has to work really hard to think INSIDE the box.

She sees things differently.  Like for instance, I only saw a piece of paper...

and she saw a Pilgrim's bonnet...

I thought the $30 American Girl outfits were perfect for playing dress-up...

She preferred to make her own with bits of fabric and paper...

And why would I think we could dash out the door when going to a french restaurant?! 

She knew that she had to dress the part...

Today I am grateful for Soleil's internal drive to create.

It can slow us down (which often pains me initially), and can make a huge mess, but nearly always results in something far better than I ever could have imagined.  

It's so worth it.

Here's to you, my sweet girl

I'll be honest, this has been a hard week with my daughter.  

I've had a lot of extra "life stresses" that have eaten up some a lot of the energy usually reserved for Patient Parenting.  

In it's place there has been much Frustrated, Disappointed, and Exasperated Parenting on my part...and that's never helpful to anyone.

So this morning I'm going to take a deep breath, forgive myself for my imperfections, and try harder to be the best mom that I can be.

Today I am thankful that even when I'm grouchy faced mom, my sweet daughter loves me...and gives me more chances.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Mornings can be hard around here.  Soleil can have a hard time waking up and when she does often we're greeted with a mixture of hyperactivity and grouchiness.  

Sometimes there is screaming, door slamming, and tears...often times there are multiple outfit changes and tantrums over things not feeling quite right (socks, underwear, ponytails).

And then there is the daily fight over taking her medicine...and the Inspector Gadget routine that I have to do to be sure that she actually took the medicine and didn't just hide it somewhere.

  

Just getting everyone dressed, fed, and out the door can leave me feeling like I need a nap.

But then there is a morning like this one.  

And I'm reminded of all the sweetness inside my daughter...

and the gentle love that she shows all of us.

Today I am grateful for this...

Before I even came downstairs, Soleil had quietly accessorized Toni with a pink bow.

Thank you Soleil for reminding me that small acts of love can speak louder than morning grouchiness...

and that it isn't always about following a routine and getting places on time...that love and family don't always fit into my ideal Type A mold...and that your free spirit is truly a blessing.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Soleil is fearless and will try anything.  Her body may be tiny, but she has the courage of a giant.  I have always been enamored by her willingness to put herself out there and try something new. After not being able to hoola hoop at her kindergarten Sock Hop she taught herself, practiced all year, and won the hoola hoop contest in first grade.  Then she won it again in 2nd.  

This last week, while at the cabin, she was determined to paddle board.  When we explained that she was too young/little to paddle board on her own on such a big/deep lake she agreed to go out with an adult.

But then she insisted that she be the one paddling.

She's my WonderGirl.

Today I am grateful for Soleil's nerves of steel.  I'm convinced that if she puts her mind to it, she truly can do anything.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Today I am thankful for my daughter's love of reading.  Like many of Soleil's developmental milestones, she didn't start reading when everyone thought that she should.  And, of course, that led Corey and I to worry  her entire kindergarten year.  She just didn't seem to be getting it.  And she didn't care, which made us even more crazy.

Then, nearly overnight, sometime during her first grade year it all started to click...and she started.  

And then she didn't stop.  Today she would rather read than do anything else.  First it was the Rainbow Faries, then it was The Babysitter's Club, and now she is on to the Nancy Drew series.  She can read two a day.  I've stalked every Goodwill, Savers, and Salvation Army within miles looking for these books for her.

And I've loved every minute of it.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Today I am grateful for my daughter's love of creepy crawly things...bugs, worms, critters of all sizes and shapes.  

She isn't afraid to touch anything and will be happy to "snap" anything that needs killing.  Often times she's the one riding in on a white horse to save her brother from ants, beetles, bees, and the like.

Soleil...she's cool like that.

Here's to you, my sweet girl...

Soleil, my firstborn...the one that changed my world forever by making me a mom.  She turned our lives upside down even before she arrived.  And once she was born, she began writing a whole new manual on this  parenting thing.

She has never followed the charts, timetables, or plans. And after eight years, I'm still trying to figure out how to be the momma that she needs.

Soleil has always needed more.  More affection, more energy, more patience, more understanding...more of everything.  Sometimes Often giving that "more" exhausts me and can even cause me to feel resentment.  I get frustrated that after dedicating my entire being to her for eight years we still have so many issues.  How could my constant love and patient mothering not have worked?!  Why wasn't I able to fix this?  Wasn't I good enough?  How did I get here?!

There are many, many things about parenting a child with extra needs that is unfair.  It's unfair to her, to me, to our family...it adds so much stress and constant worrying.  It makes me mad and very, very sad.

Last night as I walked our dog Toni I thought about Soleil and how easy it is for me to think of things that are hard or challenging about being her mom.  The list of things that I'd love to change about her and our family's situation is a mile long.

In the thick of the day-to-day it's easy to get lost and forget the larger, complete picture. The whole child.  The sum of all her parts...good, bad, and ugly.  I need to remind myself more often of all that I love about my daughter, all that she's taught me, and all of the beauty and happiness that she has brought to our family.  Because there is lots of that, too.

So I decided that Thursdays are going to be my day to reflect on and be thankful for Soleil.  I'm going to push myself to list one thing every week that is positive.  My hope is that by articulating the good, I'll have more strength to handle the not so good...and I'll be able to remain in that "remember the larger picture" state of mind a little longer.

So today I am thankful for Soleil's infectious, glorious laugh.   And the twinkle in her eyes that comes with it.